In Which Lucifer is Both Pleasantly and Unpleasantly Surprised
The Devil, also known as the Adversary, the Great Deceiver, Father of Lies, the prettiest angel that ever was, and more rarely as Lucifer, was sitting on a throne watching his minions scurrying about. Why minions always seemed to scurry was beyond the ability of Lucifer's incredible intelligence to comprehend. They were always scurrying or scampering or something starting with an S and a C. After a while, the adjectives really became rather boring, as they were all one and the same.
The doors to Lucifer's palace (I.E. converted barn) slammed open suddenly, cracking unpleasantly against the walls as Belial came through, dragging a human someone along after him. His beady red eyes lit up when he caught sight of Lucifer.
"I have retrieved the Antichrist!" he boomed importantly, throwing said Antichrist down at his feet.
Lucifer got to his own feet—much better-looking than Belial's, as might be expected—and walked over. Reaching the lump of Antichrist on the floor, Lucifer bent over to peer down at it. He frowned. It was the Antichrist, just as Lucifer had ordered up, but....
"It's a girl," he said frigidly. Belial shrank bank, head going down and horns drooping as if he was a puppy slapped with a newspaper. If puppies had horns, of course.
"Yes, Lord Lucifer."
"A girl," Lucifer repeated. The minions tended to need things repeated a lot.
"Yes, Lord Lucifer."
"Shouldn't I have been INFORMED OF THIS FACT?!" Lucifer's screech caused the walls to shake and the Demonic Horde™ within them to collectively quiver. "A girl?!"
The Antichrist swore vehemently, holding her head in her hands as if it hurt. As it should. She deserved punishment. Really, a girl. How distasteful. It would hardly be any fun to sodomize a girl— if indeed one could sodomize a girl— and turn her toward evil. It was entirely too hetero-normative, almost proper, and Lucifer tried his best to never do anything proper.
"Will you shut up?" the girl said crossly. Her tones were—Lucifer shuddered—dulcet. "Will you get this effing horned idiot away from me? Honestly, I'm eating my dinner and suddenly there's a frigging satyr there."
"Satyr?" Belial squeaked. Lucifer glared at him. Squeaking did not befit a Demon of the Adversary. Why were his minions all so stupid? They couldn't even manage to be properly intimidating.
"Scat before I smite you," he said, waving ineffectually in the direction of the door. Belial squeaked and ran off, tail (forked and devilish, of course) tucked between his legs. Lucifer sank down, smiling winningly at the Antichrist. "Hello, my dear," he purred. Cats and the devil were very similar, and purring was expected of both of them. "Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Lucifer."
She blinked at him, tilting her head. "Well then. I always knew that the devil would be American. It’s probably an exceptionalism thing, but still."
Lucifer nodded sagely. "It wouldn’t be right otherwise." Clearing his throat decisively, he shifted to sit cross-legged in front of her. "Now. You’re the Antichrist. This is unfortunate, as, well...." He gestured a hand up and down her body. She raised an eyebrow.
"Are you checking me out?"
Lucifer shuddered. "Never.” He paused, then went on to say, “Despite how unfortunate this—" here, he gestured a hand up and down again "—is, we must persevere. How do you feel about being evil?"
She grinned widely, revealing beautifully pointed canine teeth. "Rather evil, actually. Smashing, even. But my brother won't like it."
If Lucifer had ears that could do so, they would have perked up.
"A brother, you say...?"
All hope was not lost, which was unfortunate in some respects, since the losing of hope was one of the things Lucifer was supposed to cause. As long as fate was working with him he might as well enjoy it, however.
"How long will it take for him to find you?"
The palace doors banged open yet again. When Lucifer looked up, he was very, very pleased.
"Well, now."
This was going to be fun.
